i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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