The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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