maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
