Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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