he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
