oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Houston, we have a squirter
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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