Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think i have two assholes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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