If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
