Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
