hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
