he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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