I'm really into asian looking animals
She tied me up with her honor cords...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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