dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
