I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Are we still banned from the library?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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