We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He did a backflip because drugs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
