So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
