I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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