I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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