i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
