saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How's work?
Spinning.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
