He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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