dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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