somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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