Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
