we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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