I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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