I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
