Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
no, he came in my armpit
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
