im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
