Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
