I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
