He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
