ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
