Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
