is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
