made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
