so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
