When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
