we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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