all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
