I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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