He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
