Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
