Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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