So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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