Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
