WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
