Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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