John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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