Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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