I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
