I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
