She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
