i barfeds in our rink
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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