hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just found a bag of teeth...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
