3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize