Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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