There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
