3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
