i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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