Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
