my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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