Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
