had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The power of my boobs compel you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
