You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
