Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
