what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
