My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
