Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
